my. brain. hurts

Over the past years of my medical career, I have committed to memory those things which were useful in practice depending on the position I was in. Overall, I simply despise memorization for the sake of memorization so would learn enough for whatever test was next on my schedule. By taking this flight position, I am not only facing some of my past demons but am also tackling my inadequate knowledge base like a pee-wee field goal kicker taking on an NFL lineman.

Over the past two shifts and four flights, I have come face to face with all of the things I don’t know. Hell, tonight even doing a simple patient assessment was a challenge. Granted, it WAS at 3 a.m. and the first time my preceptor has given me the reins. In my heart I feel like I failed miserably. In my head I know that this is truly day number two and I need to give myself some slack.

Patrick always laughs at me when I get the “cherry syndrome.” (Cherry Syndrome: orientee suffering from knowledge deficit disorder, related to patient care situations not previously encountered.) When in the SICU I came home one night and expressed great fears that I would never be able to learn/manage everything. He constantly reminds me that within 3 months I was begging to be off of orientation. After 6 months I was getting somewhat bored.

I don’t think boredom will be an issue for quite awhile (never) with this job.

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