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TagCrazy Adventures

I’m Not Nesting

Lack of time has always been the bane of my existence.  Reacting to the next deadline, shift or due date has, historically, created so much anxiety that planning became an impossibility. 

In retrospect, this pattern of behavior began when I was in my early to mid teens.  I plainly remember being very stressed to the point of panic, lying in bed when my dad came up to wish me good night.  I had just gotten home from playing an away basketball game and I should have been studying for the next day’s biology and Spanish tests.  I was too tired to do either.

Fast forward to today, twenty short years later.

I find myself sitting at my sister’s kitchen table watching my nephew and my soon to be stepson playing in her pool thinking about things I should be doing.  Book chapters to edit, invitations to finish, knitting gifts to begin, cucumbers to pick and chicken eggs to collect. 

My priorities have finally changed.

For so many years, it seemed as though I just needed to catch up.  I would pummel myself for not meeting deadlines or exercising enough.  I replaced contentment with achievement that led to my taking on more and more projects until my ultimate failure.

It was a shock to my core the day I realized that I needed to fail.  I needed to miss an important deadline (and extensions).  I needed to not pass a exam.  I needed to, simply put, FAIL.

Although my path didn’t come to that severe of a cliff, I made subtle changes in my life over the past year. 

The first was that I stopped obsessing about writing.  Not just writing my blog, but writing period.  I no longer felt the necessity to capture every waking moment like it was my last.  It wasn’t necessary to live my life in such a public forum.  My passion for flight nursing, although intact, became more of an integral part of my core existence, versus my defining veil.

Over the winter months, I became more an more interested in things my mother held dear when I was a child.  Canning, gardening, and knitting.  During those cold, short days, Ben and I planned our garden, our hen house, and chose what vegetables we would preserve.  Mom, while undergoing chemotherapy, taught me to knit.  Each of those things takes time, planning, and a skill set I am still very novice at.  None are possible with a last minute decision or on a whim.

Each one of those things has taught me something invaluable:

Patience.

I never realized how satisfying it would be to collect eggs every day.  How grateful my friends would be to receive a hand knit gift.  How much accomplishment comes in different forms.

It is no longer as important for me to reach the next Army rank, or earn the next degree for my wall.  I am happy simply being granted time to call my mom and ask her a question about brining pickles or for help tying off my quilt.

Oh, and another important thing.

I’ve learned to say no.

Gratuitous FreeFly Video

I just love Twitter.  Just when things tend to get a bit comfortable, an entirely new group of people “find” you.  Lately, more skydivers have, pun intended, fallen into my follow group.  Would like to give @peterdierx credit for the Tweet linking this video!

MMS Comes to a Biting End

MMS Comes to a Biting End

MMS Comes to a Biting End,
originally uploaded by crzegrl15.

Well, we returned safe and sound having driven 616.6 miles in three
days. We made it all 616.2 miles before we encountered any terrorist
bonsai suicide whitetail deer. There were four on our street. Bastards.

Fortunately after yelling “Boo!” real loud, they quit staring at our
headlights and lived to destroy someone else’s front fender another day.

All in all a successful trip.

Oh, and the extreme close up? Apparently I am one hell of a mosquito
dinner entree. This lucky little sucker flew into my full face helmet
at 55 mph, took a tour of my temple and managed to feast on my face
wilst I was otherwise occupied.

And to think I was upset at the overweight, cell phone chatting bitty
in a mom-mobile who almost wiped me off the freeway today.

Geesh.

It is good to be home!