Archives: August 2008
Sorry, but nobody works harder than surgeons
As with most things, the comments are the best part. One astute commenter lumped all healthcare providers together for being over worked. Another talked about how unsafe that drive home for us must be. (Um, I don’t remember most of the 2 hour drive home from my NP job the other night, er morning.)
The winning comment? Made by a soldier.
Take a look.
Recently I had an out of body experience. No, I wasn’t the one facing death. My patient was the one close to it. I stood in the family waiting room, listening to myself in a surreal moment, tell a son and daughter, barely out of high school, to brace themselves for the fact that their father was never going to wake up.
When did I become that person?
After sleeping on this post, I made a decision.
If Sam and Sean have the guts to write about this so do I.
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Before I go on, I want it known that this is not some cry for help. It isn’t a scream hoping for someone to look in my direction and throw me some trite attention. I am in no mood for psycho-babble-bullshit.
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It is a Friday night. I sit here, behind my laptop at 9:42 p.m.
I should be at a bbq.
Instead, I am hiding behind my computer.
A friend once commented that he had no idea how I do my job. How I could constantly expose myself to such trauma and heartbreak.
I wonder that myself.
Today, I realized that constant exposure to the most horrible tragedies is possible when the rest of your life is solid. When you are emotionally, physically healthy.
Enter in a helicopter crash. A divorce. Friends scattered all over the globe. Uncertainty with my Army career. Rumors of deployment. Family that doesn’t understand. Someone closer to my heart than anyone, who decided to judge me. A life I have allowed to be reduced to overgrown flower beds, three inches of dust and a cracked driveway. A car that needs new tires, and a checking account that needs balanced.
I go to work to forget.
For a brief moment, all I have is that flight. That one patient. That person who, on my stretcher, reminds me that my life is okay.
That is why I jump from airplanes. Why I get tattooed. Why I go faster than I should in my car, on my motorcycle.
I need to feel. I need to be reminded that I am alive. In those moments I feel alive.
The psychiatrists of the world—piss off.
I don’t need therapy.
I don’t need medications.
I need balance.
I constantly wear a bracelet etched with my name, allergies, birth date. It contains a code linked an account which lists my emergency contacts.
The only thing I fear is dying alone.
That is why I have to fly.
Why I constantly expose myself to the heartache. Expose myself to pain. Expose myself to death.
I face my fears with passion and conviction.
I sacrifice for my patients. By doing so, I ensure they won’t face pain or in the most extreme cases, face death . . .
. . . alone . . .
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As healthcare providers we need to talk about our pain. The pain we feel as we grieve the lives lost, not of our loved ones, but of the ones we have given a personal commitment to protect, to care for. As nurses, EMTs, physicians, we dance the extremely fine line between burnout and professional fulfillment.
The irony? If we no longer sacrifice a piece of ourselves, no matter large or small, for each person we care for, we are no longer able to effectively do our jobs. An emotional connection keeps you sharp when you are exhausted. Keeps your mind to the task at hand when the small crises of your personal life are begging for attention. If we completely protect ourselves from the pain, we miss the most important aspect of our profession. An aspect that cannot be taught. It must be felt, endured, suffered, accepted.
Sometimes the pain becomes hard to bear.
However, I refuse to live in fear.
I refuse to let it vanquish me.
I need to fly. I HAVE to fly.
If you are interested in looking at a more in depth view of what goes on behind the scenes on a functional level, these are a great resource.
I added his site as a permanent link off of my side-bar under the new link category of Flight EMS.
Thanks again Dr. Welton. My apologies for it taking so long to add it!
Yup, I am a bit bored today. This was tied and the photo was taken while I was driving. Seems like a flight nurse would have better personal judgement. Unfortunately when one suffers from ADOBSO judgement tends to become skewed.
Let the pervy comments commence!
I after my second pediatric ICU transfer Friday, I told the attending physician I would be back. Although the PICU flight was delayed by 24 hours or so, I did my third today. He was absolutely adorable and sick as can be.
Glad that triple is over with.
As I sit here recouping from my three day shifts I thought I would give you Today’s View from my office window. Enjoy!
Just wanted to say thanks to Kim over at Emergiblog for the Healthcare Today information. Once I figured out the site, I realized she was right. I am becoming an addict!
I added the link option at the bottom of my posts as well. Very cool idea.
Thanks Kim!
Controller praised for texting pilot down safely
From the IrishTimes.com
I hope someone thinks this fast if I ever need them . . .
“War Surgery in Afghanistan and Iraq”
So, Matt you are indeed the coolest—-I promised to mention that up front in exchange for the link.
Textbook Details Progress In Wartime Surgery from NPR
Hetz, who was deployed to Iraq twice, says the battlefield helps surgeons hone existing medical practices with a finer edge. One procedure that he says improved is called “damage control” — a procedure during which the major focus “is to stop the bleeding and further contamination” — whatever doctors can do to get the patient out of the operating room and to a place where he or she can be resuscitated. The process is faster and more effective, enabling higher survival rates.
The coffee-table sized book is not designed for public use. It features more than 400 pages of detailed case studies presented alongside graphic and often disturbing images. These photographs, informal and gruesome, were often taken on consumer digital cameras belonging to doctors and soldiers serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.
This is going on my Amazon Wish List.
Thanks again Matt!
On Final for Landing
“I’ve never seen a response like this.”
I had time to look up some of the web coverage from a horrible scene we flew into the other day. Gotta love the local news media. They try, but never get it quite right.
An AeroMed [spelled incorrectly, it is two words] helicopter lifts off from the scene of a crash on 120th Avenue north of Fillmore Street in Ottawa County that left several people injured.
Photo Credit: Mark Copier
Two critically injured in Robinson Township crash (Grand Rapids Press) This is where I stole the above AWESOME photo. This photo not only made the website, it was published on the front page of the Press. Imagine my surprise when I pulled it from the box the morning after the accident. I believe I captured the journalist who took the photo with my point and shoot Canon.
Capturing Us Landing
Possibly Mark Copier, photo journalist
Some without seat belts in 10-person crash (WoodTV) There is video of the scene embedded here. The reporter spent some time at the hanger with me a few months ago.
Several injuries in Robinson Twp. crash (WZZM13) (check out the video link top right)
Aero Med was dispatched to the scene but since the helicopter service is not yet landing downtown, responders decided to transport all the victims via ambulance. The doctor who flew to the scene with Aero Med rode in one ambulances with victims to Spectrum Health. [typo theirs, emphasis mine]
WoodTV made it sound as though we didn’t transport at all because of the location of the airport related to distances to and from the hospital. We brought blood, the RSI kit, then rode to the hospital via ambulance providing patient care the entire way. WZZM on the other hand got it half right. But, both the doctor AND NURSE went to the hospital.
The follow up article from WZZM 13: Alcohol may be a factor in Robinson Twp. crash
Aero Med Crew in Action
(photo credit to our pilot Dale)
After walking into a triage/incident command nightmare, we determined, with the help of the on scene medics, who was the most critical.
On the way to the hospital, while going lights and sirens, I looked up at my physician over the patient who I had appropriately medicated for pain (read—not listening to me), grinned from ear to ear and stated the obvious.
“Man, I love my job!”
I guess I say that a lot, don’t I?
Flickr set here.
You pervs!!!! . . . I knew it would make you look.
Okay, now that the apologies are complete and I have at least read all of my email, I will tease you with a bit of what is brewing up here in crzegrl, flight nurse land.
Before I begin, however, may I interest you in a bit of HEMS porn????
Beauty in the Beans
(credit: JC)
Isn’t our new Sikorsky S-76 C++ just gorgeous? The aircraft made the front page of the local paper, so I do believe my freeze on photos of our new helicopter has been lifted. If not, oh, well . . . sorry Gene. I just couldn’t stand it any longer! JC (pilot) took this while we were on a scene flight a few weeks ago. More on “Split Second Decisions” later this week.
“More! More! MORE! Please, Ms. crzegrl?”
Alright. Although no one has actually begged, Marky and I did shoot some video for “From the Flight Nurse’s Seat” vLog.
Unfortunately the score is MS Vista 1: Emily & Marky 0.
F’ing Vista.
It has my video clips and is holding them hostage. Until we come up with our next plan of attack, you will have to make do with this great photo I took of Marky video taping me from atop the fuel truck. Not only did we shoot, “What’s in Your Flight Vest” but we also decided to take you on a tour of our hangar. That’s enough video for at least two or three vLog entries. Now if I can only figure out how to save them.
Marky, Flight Nurse/Videographer/Nerd
This week has been packed full with a promotion and a bunch of firsts as well.
Sunday afternoon I was promoted from First Lieutenant to Captain. I would like to thank everyone who was part of the ceremony. This is especially to Ray and Walt, both pilots at Aero Med, who were also officers in the Army and served in VietNam. I couldn’t think of anyone else who I would rather have promote me.
My Promotion at the Aero Med Hangar
Hopefully I will have video of this soon as well. Yeah, reference the above Vista comment.
Here is a photo of me attempting to get my nieces and nephews to sit still.
Yeah, they call me Auntie Em, what of it???
Okay, back to the flight nurse thing! Monday was our first shift at our remote base located in Big Rapids. Until our second aircraft returns from paint and having the interior redone, we will be repositioning during day shift with the C++. Once we work the bugs out, this is going to be a great addition for us as a corporation, and bring us closer to a large segment of the population we serve. If I have time, I will write more from Big Rapids tomorrow.
The last first for the week? I was on the cherry flight into our temporary pad near the hospital. What a relief to be closer to our ultimate destination.
New Temporary LZ
Well, I have other large and small things to tell you about, but this will have to do for now. Two more shifts in this series before I come up for air.
In the mean time, you can find me warming up my paddle for those of you who couldn’t wait to read about the teasing flight nurse!
(stolen from JoeCartoon.com)
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